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Hey Tati, how are you?

Today was a hard day. Maybe one of my hardest. I got the baby out of her bed to feed her and heard the dreaded click, then scream – it’s broken. I called out for Jon within 7 minutes the dogs were away, I was dressed, the bay had been given painkillers and we were on our way.

She was okay in the car because she hadn’t moved her leg yet so didn’t realise the pain she was in, we just snuggled and cuddled. We got in sight of the hospital for the stupid road to be closed! We had to turn around and go the long way. At this point, she realised and she screamed the poor baby. I carried on cuddling and snuggling her as I wiped my tears away quietly. I could hear Jon sniffling in the front.

It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt, her, being in pain and me not being able to do anything about it. Like literally soul destroying.

Jon dropped us off at the front and I ran in with my sweet girl, I said “she’s got osteogenesis imperfecta and I think she broke her leg, again”, “again?” The nurse repeated sadly. Yep. Again. The nurse asked us to wait whilst she ran to peads and let them know we were coming.

Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours. Amongst the crowds of people giving sympathetic looks, I spotted our kind and speedy nurse ushering us over and through. The crowd parted like Jesus himself had parted them, the kindness that people show towards poorly children and their hurting parents warms my heart. When the baby broke her leg a couple of months ago, a complete stranger came up to me and hugged me, saying “it’s okay mama, they’re going to fix her” which funnily enough is what my own mama always says to me “they’ll fix her Ash!”. It’s like the universe knew that in that moment of me having to be a strong mum, I wanted nothing more than my own strong mum who had lived my whole life with me going in and out of hospitals. So she knows how it feels.

They stripped her whilst I held her hand and sobbed and then gave her some different pain relief this time, it was something to do with morphine but it was like aerated and went up her nose? I don’t know what it was but it helped.

After a few hours, an X-ray, more pain relief and lots of talks with different medical professionals we were taken to the ward. The ortho doctor said we could go home but the baby was screaming SO badly and was in so much distress I told the nurse I was worried about her pain relief at home, she needed more than paracetamol and ibuprofen. And my God am I glad we stayed, I’ll tell you why in a few days but jeez!

After trying her in the crib and her muscles spasming and waking her up, the screams continued as I leant in and scooped her up into the hospital chair with me where I’d sit all night if I had to, whatever to keep her comfortable. She still spasmed but considerably less with me.

I begged the nurses and basically anyone who would listen to help her pain, she’d had so many medicines and was still screaming as if her leg broke all over again every time she moved. They worked so hard and convinced the ortho doctor to come back and speak to me us about next steps. I’ll go into it tomorrow but they finally gave her diazepam to stop the spasms and increased the morphine which helped her sleep. When she was more comfortable the nurse told me how her screams were heard in the nurses area and made her cry and how she decided to not take no for an answer to called the big dogs, to call the even bigger dogs. At 4am more X-rays were taken and we were told the ortho team would discuss them at 8 and tell us what the plan was.

It’s funny how when you’re a mum, or even if it’s just someone that you love more than you love anything in the world, you just turn ruthless. Do whatever you have to do to help my sweet babe, people!

Anyway, like I said, she slept somewhat better on top of me and I counted down the minutes until 8:30am when we’d hear from the doctors.

More tomorrow – it’s 7am and mom’s here ❤️

Love you tati, miss you always Xx